I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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