I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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