i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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