he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i think my cat just said my name.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
