i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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