i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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