fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
