Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
