Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize