Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
