i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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