Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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