Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
