i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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