I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
