Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
