im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize