Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
