At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
