every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
