Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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