I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
two words...techno handjob
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
40s are totally the cure
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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