I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
