hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
