I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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