winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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