My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
