hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
