butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
