I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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