I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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