I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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