i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
