Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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