oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
