i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
