Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
