We won't sleep together?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
