Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
