Its about making memories worth repressing
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
