Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
