Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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