I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
