I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
