you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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