eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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