my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
