Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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