So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
