here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
