Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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