Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
