you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
