Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
