Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
