Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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