btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
