Whod you bang
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
