omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
did i just pee glitter
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
