You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
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When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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