I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
