Your face is a jimmy john
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
