dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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