They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
