There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
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I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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