All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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