wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
