I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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