Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
