hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
