Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
