moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
