You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
