I bet he comes in French.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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