Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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