i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
