So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize