My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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