how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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