apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
