Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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